every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
