Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
