Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
