their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Please don't give away my fajitas
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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