the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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