real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
