OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Randomize
