I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
