i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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