Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
operation harelip BJ is a go
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I need a beard to bite.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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