You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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