I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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