i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
