Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
