Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
