2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
