just come out here and I will go home with you...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
