Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
