having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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