I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
