Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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