What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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