I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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