At least make sure they are 18
Why
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
