why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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