hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
