Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
