I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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