Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
