I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
