Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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