The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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