I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
