I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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