the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
