Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
