How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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