My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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