We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
