i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
