Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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