Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
