Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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