just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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