He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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