i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
