does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
