Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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