we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
