his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
