The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
