I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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