I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
