And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
