Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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